The whining disparity: Male struggle is invisible to most women

Successful men have an incentive to hide how hard getting to the top and staying there is, because women don’t like weak men who whine and complain about not getting laid… or almost anything else. Guys who have some success must present it like it’s easy and organic to women, despite the fact that almost all guys experience a lot of rejection and difficulty when it comes to dating… but this can’t be stated, because the unsuccessful men die off, figuratively, in her world and her attention. Women internalize the idea that men have it easy, because that’s what a lot of successful men are marketing… because they (we) think women demand it. When a market demands fantasy, sellers offer fantasy.

In my own life, any whiff of talk about deliberately practicing “the game” is a huge turn-off to most women. So I don’t talk about it. They don’t learn how hard it was to get good at seducing and sleeping with women. For a woman, seducing and sleeping with a man means “showing up.” Or “smiling at him.” Or “getting on Hinge.” It’s not a challenge. Players say that, when she ends up in your bed, a woman should be able to say, “it just happened. lol.” Keeping a high-status man might be a challenge, but getting laid isn’t.

Listen to the media-industrial complex, and you’ll hear about how women are constantly discriminated against and, by implication, men must have it easy. This is pure comedy to most men, though some men will repeat it as a way of affirming their lefty-progressive credentials.[1] The narratives in schools and the media around sex and gender aren’t true. But people eventually figure out those narratives don’t work. “Happy wife, happy life” and those kinds of things don’t work. “Nice guy” doesn’t work. If you’re a man and want to subtly attack another guy, tell a woman, “He’s so nice. He’s so into you.” Emphasize that niceness. Weak niceness dries pussy (kindness, from a position of true strength, is sexy, but most “niceguys” aren’t that).

Men learn to hide whining and feelings of weakness. Women whine a lot more on average than men, but, while no one likes whining, to women male whining is an erotic death sentence. Whining means the man is losing, not solving problems, and that the man is being a pussy (women don’t want more pussy, they already have that taken care of). Men, however, will endure attractive chicks’ whining, in the short term, to keep hot chicks, who are in relatively short supply for most men. There is always a shortage of truly attractive women.

Listen to female dating podcasts and you’ll hear some of these dynamics at play. The hosts and guests get much wrong, because of the amount of cultural narrative that they feel they must repeat (“I’m a feminist, yet I believe a man should pay for the first date,” for example, ignoring the evident contradiction), even when that narrative doesn’t correspond to reality. The hosts themselves often don’t believe it, which makes finding signal in the noise challenging. This might not matter, because most women listen to such podcasts to be entertained, not to become more effective. A woman’s effectiveness in dating is based on three primary factors: 1) attractiveness, 2) feminine energy/reasonableness, and 3) skills useful to long-term partnerships. The only female dating podcast that had useful information in it came from a girl’s grandma.

And then there is online dating. I saw a tweet saying that, for women, the effect of dating apps is like the effect of porn on men. Women get this incredible surge of dopamine and a (somewhat fake) sense of power. Likes, compliments, messages, dates, free food and drinks, validation: it’s all there. Can you blame routine female online daters for behaving so terribly, given the infinite positive reinforcement they get?

Men learn it’s highly adaptive not to whine and to present a facade of easy success.[2] Men truly live and die alone. Perform, or die. Be effective, or die. I know many men who, though technically alive, are effectively dead. Women should learn not to whine, but many don’t, in part because whining works okay when they’re young and hot and men will indulge them. It works less well when they’re older, because people stop caring. Having children teaches women to whine less, because children want food and love, not whining… but more and more women are missing that essential life task, and are consequently turning into the invisible spinsters, who are an example to all others of what not to do. Children force a woman to care about outcomes, not process. 

 [1]Don’t worry, there are right-wing, MAGA lies that people also repeat to affirm group identity and credentials. 

[2]I know it’s funny to write a post whining about whining.