Learnings from women’s dating podcasts: Grandma versus young girls

Xbtusd has a curious hobby: listening to women’s dating podcasts, which, to me, seems like an exercise in masochism, but to him, women’s podcasts are comedy, mixed with information from behind enemy lines. His latest find is a gem, What Grandma Thinks We’re Doing Wrong with “Excuse My Grandma,” in which two girls in their 20s talk to “Grandma Gail,” who is brilliant, while the girls in their 20s sound… is “r^tarded” still a word that gets one cancelled? Sorry, it’s the first word that leaps to mind. Grandma Gail is so smart, and keeps telling the girls the most obvious stuff, and they keep replying with inane, narcissistic remarks. Grandma Gail says, “If you’re going to pick somebody apart, as most of you girls seem to do, it’s just a never-ending stream….” and then she gets interrupted. Anyone who wants a real, adult relationship understands that relationships are about compromise. If you can’t compromise, you’ll never be in a relationship, though, if you are a woman, you can sleep with guys a couple points above you in sexual market value (SMV). Similar problem happens with people addicted to new relationship energy (NRE… I cop to that addiction… the high of fresh p***y is unbelievable…). Few years back this hot chick I was flirting with admitted that she only loves what she called the “cupcake” stage of relationships. She’d married early and was divorced or in the process of getting divorced… she had “problems, but the sex will be great” written all over her.

I’m getting off the point, which is that Grandma Gail is full of wisdom, like when she says, “If you’re looking for perfection, you better stay by yourself, because it’s never going to happen.” I don’t have anything to add. Not everything she says is perfectly on the mark… Grandma Gail says a lot of men feel “a fear of commitment.” Often it’s not a fear. It’s cost. And a lot of men LOVE f**king. So do women. So why would a man get married (risk high costs, divorce is expensive), if he can get sex without marriage? High-status men know this. Hypergamy isn’t part of Grandma’s vocabulary, but it’s lurking there in her speech without being mentioned.

One girl says about her finding the right man, “It has not happened. It has epically failed.” Notice the passive voice, the refusal to take responsibility. Girls who want to be in relationships aren’t running podcasts, they’re dealing with their families. It isn’t hard for attractive women to find good men… it is hard for women to find men who are +1 or +2 in SMV above them, and who will also commit. Some women also need a man with at least 20% higher income than she does, which gets hard, the more the woman makes. Women who can compromise are in relationships, while women who can’t, are running dating podcasts. One girl claims to be “Currently single, and loving it” (I don’t know the girls’ names and can’t tell them apart, but it doesn’t matter, they all cop that dumb girl vocal fry accent). The “single and loving it” girl met her ex at a frat party. She says she’s using dating apps, a girl euphemism for “being a slut” (I say lovingly, as a great lover of sluts). She’s being the problem other girls talk about. Dating a lot means sleeping around. Men who find lots of attractive chicks to sleep with them (us), don’t want to commit. Why would we?

Grandma Gail, however, met her husband on a “fix up.” That means friends or family set her up on dates, which reduces bad behavior from men and women (“ghosting” seems not to have been a problem then). A guy who is set up on a date and behaves poorly will cut off his source of future dates… same with a chick.

What explains modern dating discourse today? A lot of women are lying about what they want (as are men, if I am to be honest…). Women can’t say, “I want a super high-value man, tall, extremely rich, social skills, etc., and if I sense a man might be that, I’ll f**k quick to get his interest, because he’s hot and I want to beat out the other girls.” Women can’t say, “when I get drunk, I’m f**king horny and will f**k hot guys, sometimes not hot guys, even if I experience regret when I’m sober, or when the man doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me.” Women can’t say, “If I wanted to be a in relationship, I’d get out of NYC, or I’d make reasonable compromises, and then I’d be in one.” Women can’t say, “Attention from lots of guys is intoxicating and I love it. I love the drama, I love the uncertainty, I love not knowing where the guy stands, even if I hate it when I feel used sexually.” Women can’t say, “I’m quick to judge men for having one weird thing or imperfection or whatever, so I wind up going on a lot of dates until I see “deal breakers.” Women also can’t say, or admit, “I don’t read books and get all my information from Tik-Tok because I’m addicted to my phone and therefore my sense of reality is badly warped.” With a bit more honesty, I doubt most of these dating podcasts and all of this cope and bullshit would exist, and a lot more women who want to be married and have families, would be. Look at what people do. Most of these women don’t seem to want to be in actual, non-fantasy relationships, and so … they aren’t. Dishonesty is the rule. I like anonymous player blogs cause they’re often shockingly honest. Women in good relationships who have kids don’t have time to f**k around with podcasts, mostly.

This is true of anyone, woman or man: there is space in life for a single top priority, or a small number of top priorities… if the relationship or kids isn’t the top priority, maybe along with job, it’s not going to work. For most chicks, the relationship isn’t the top priority, so it doesn’t work, and the guy will sense it, and the girl will have casual sex, and she won’t get the relationship she thinks she wants (she doesn’t). Show me a person’s actions and I’ll show you their values. The Grandma is all about avoiding narcissism, and the girls are all about narcissism. Narcissism is relationship death, but narcissism is so universal as to not even be noticed any more.

One of the girls says, about possibly dating a new man, “First, I look them up on Instagram. Instagram, then Facebook, then LinkedIn. I really am bad about background checks.” I will not bother going into what’s wrong with this, if you don’t know, god help you. Grandma says that in her day, “We’d never go on a date where we didn’t know each other. Families would know each other. ‘I have a daughter, you have a son, let’s set them up. I actually think it was a nicer way. You didn’t have to worry you’d meet a stalker or some crazy loony person.’ Girl: “but you have less options.”


That is the priority of many women, keeping their options open. Is that compatible with a great relationship?

(The above question is rhetorical.)

Every time a hot girl focuses on “keeping her options open,” a player is born. Another five players smile. If that is her priority, she is signaling openness to casual sex. Grandma Gail says the girls have too many options… she also says, “The guys have got a whole palace of girls in front of them on dating apps.” That’s not really true… the top 5 or 10% of guys do… not true of most guys.

Then there are the ad interruptions. One of them says, “Right now, as we speak, I am double-fisting CBD.” Listen to the ads and they’ll tell us as much as the show itself. Mindset wellness CBD, what a perfect encapsulation of what’s wrong with so many of these chicks. It’s hard to believe how dumb the young girls sound, and how convinced they are that they are right. I love the Grandma. But her podcast would be very short. “Is he good enough? Can he provide? Why are you waiting?”

A fun quote,

Girl: “I’ve been in long-distance relationships from here to LA.”

Same Girl (or maybe the other one?): “I can’t think of how long distance happened before face time.”

Grandma: “We didn’t do long distance.”

Girl: “What if the guy was in the army?”

“You were engaged, or pinned.”

Mostly, they didn’t do long distance, because long-distance relationships are moronic. Ask an options trader why. A girl says, “Some people I know are ‘bi-coastal.'” That means they aren’t interested in serious relationships, ever. It’s not complicated.

One girl’s cultural example of love affairs is the movie TITANIC. Think about that. A movie in which the couple know each other for like 72 hours, hook up only once, and then the guy dies. Metaphorically, they have a hook-up weekend. That is what a modern girl’s idea of love is. With that as the first model that comes to mind, no wonder women can’t get into the relationships (that they say they want but don’t actually want). We’re slaves to our feelings, and without any sense of duty. If it “feels” like love, it must be; if it doesn’t, it must not be. The primacy of feelings can’t be questioned, but arbitrary feelings are a horrible basis for a long-term partnership. To put this in man terms, imagine you are going to start a business with guys who act based on their “feelings” instead of their obligations. First off, you’d never start the business, but, also, if you did, it’d flounder based on their inability to fulfill their duties if they don’t “feel” like it. Feelings are bullshit, action is everything. Grandma Gail tells the girls, “A woman has a clock. And the clock ticks. You want to have children at an age where you can pick them up off the floor.” Feminists never say this, though they complain bitterly about older men dating younger women.

Grandma is right: it’s not that hard: pick someone nice, pick someone employed and with an employment-oriented disposition. Accept you’re never ready, do the best you can, your kids are what matter, etc. etc. But, a lot of modern women find stability boring, and actively select against it. Stable relationship? Sabotage (often unconsciously). “I only want the RIGHT relationship” winds up reducing to “I don’t truly want to be in a relationship, even when I say I do.” Grandma knows your brain and short-term interests are often not designed to promote or achieve long-term happiness/stability. The women on these podcasts are full of self-sabotage. Your feelings are often wrong. Grandma gail tells the girls this, that their feelings are often wrong and fleeting, but the girls insist that their feelings are always valid and should be listened to… somehow, this shockingly leads them to being unhappy all the time in almost every circumstance. Modern women are guided by feelings, not logic, reason, or any sort of accountability. Letting your feelings rule your life is a path to misery. 

We also have the societal problem that a very large % of what we call “education” is f**king bullshit, with limited economic value. That includes most school and jobs that are “fun” and “creative” by girl standards, meaning… most liberal arts degrees and a large number of “business” degrees, as well as science degrees in fields like biology and chemistry. So many persons in the chattering classes take out a ton of student debt, fuck around from ages 18 – 28, sometimes longer, and don’t form economic basis for reality. Compare that to the ’50s or ’60s when ppl could buy houses w/o college degrees and when 22 year old college grads could get real jobs. Feel like you can’t afford a family? Might as well have great sex.

Colleges are fantastically predatory, and the valuable degrees cluster in a few fields. Law used to be a lucrative field (Grandma Gail mentions it), now it’s a money pit for law students and a money tree for colleges. Example, “Recent graduates of the University of Miami School of Law who used federal loans borrowed a median of $163,000. Two years later, half were earning $59,000 or less.” “Graduates who finished law school in 2019 earned a median $72,500 the following year, according to the National Association for Law Placement. That is about the same as graduates who finished school a decade earlier earned soon after graduating.” “Federal data suggest the value of a law degree from nonelite schools has diminished. Salaries haven’t kept pace with inflation over the past 20 years. Meanwhile, tuitions have soared.” Even people who go to elite schools spend $200k+ to make less money, while working more hours, than software engineers at Google, Stripe, and Facebook.

You have to be mental to go to law schools, but the minute law schools get your money and put the debt on you, they get away scott free. The real way to steal from individuals and the government is starting a law school, not robbing banks. Med school, same thing, doctors tell students don’t go to med school… too much debt, school lasts too long, etc. etc. Things were different in Grandma Gail’s day… today, some majors make sense, nursing, computer science, engineering, some others. … the smart people are making social media, not using social media… don’t get high on your own supply.

Because we severely limit the supply of housing, the price of housing goes way up. Only the economic winners can afford it. We have a situation where “Between 1968 and 2000, the United States built an average of about 1.5 million new housing units every year. But in the past two decades, in part because of a slowdown during the Great Recession, the country has added only 1.225 million new housing units every year” and also “Today, the country is 6.8 million units short of what was needed to meet new housing needs and to replace units that were aging or destroyed by natural disasters.” Back when, Grandpa could afford to major in history (tuition was very low), cause he’d still be able to get a job after and afford the rent, cause this was before we erected massive barriers to building new housing. Grandpa could major in “communications” or whatever, and he’d be fine.

Today, if man and woman have both done some college, or graduated, they probably have student loans (cost of school is crazy), and, if they haven’t carefully chosen their degrees, they probably can’t pay for their student loan debt, and the cost of housing is a doubly crushing burden. Therefore, pregnancy for the woman would be a disaster, and the man can’t afford rent and a family. Men and women delay having kids while they fight against the housing market, which the baby boomers cornered. Due to asset price inflation, boomers have effectively not paid for housing for the last 30 years… who will pay for it? Young people today. We’re strangling the future in the crib. If you are not in technology, (some parts of) construction, engineering, medicine, or a handful of other fields, you can’t afford to have kids, so you wait until it’s almost too late to try. I’m not saying it’s right (I’m saying the opposite), but I’m saying that we as a society can’t have any real discussion of the root causes of things. We also lack the attention span too. A mildly funny TikTok/Reels video will get 1000x the views of this post. I’m screaming into the void, like an idiot.

But the game is still rigged. You have no choice but to play it. Sorry. You can vote against the rigging, but the elderly vote more than you. Most people don’t believe change is possible, and so change doesn’t happen, or happens with great slowness. The people to whom the future belongs are the people with conviction.

Other random thoughts… I like consensual non-monogamy because it solves some of the “lack of honesty” problem. You will rarely get sex intention honesty from women, so, if you are like xbtusd and listen to these podcasts, you have to be skilled at reading between the lines. The most effective way to lie to others is to first lie to yourself… I think these women believe what they’re saying. They lack the knowledge to understand themselves. Temet nosce. Gnōthi seauton. Our society is committed to undermining these principles. Don’t even get me started on the narcissistic, ignorant, short-sighted media. And that’s the mainstream media. The right-wing media is even worse, most of the time.

Grandma lived in a world designed to put a lid on both hypergamy and male sex drive. Today, both lids are gone, and we’re wrestling, mostly dishonestly, with how to proceed from here (girl dating podcasts are a big part of that effort). Since almost no one is honest about what their priorities or desires are, there’s a lot of noise. People with small blogs and podcasts are often way MORE honest than major media, further adding to confusion. I see no solution, because “more honest” is never going to happen. Maybe it doesn’t matter, cause the women who are serious about having families find guys who will wife them up and have kids, and those kids go on to be the next generation, while the ultra-hypergamous wind up spinsters.

Grandma knows chicks have a limited time period of peak freshness, and that many girls sit on the shelf too long. Look, I’ve also not maximized self-development in a way that maximizes familial well-being… I’ve spent more time chasing p***y than building my career… in an alternate world, I spend more time on career, because I’m less able to chase the p***y… in this world, the p***y is so good, so available. I don’t shape the nature of women, I observe it, and this blog here is a chronicle of my account from the field.

There is a different set of things to be learned from the early CALL HER DADDY podcast girls. What those two things are, I will leave to commenters to figure out. 

You can tell it’s broody and artistic because it’s black and white. The unrealistic thing is the girl not holding her phone.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

12 thoughts on “Learnings from women’s dating podcasts: Grandma versus young girls”

  1. Brilliant, well-written and all true!

    Keep on blogging: your writing is great and I enjoy it.

    I also have no idea how Xbtusd can suffer through listening to women’s podcasts about their dating lives. They’re all simply oblivious to what’s in front of them, as if they’re trying to push a wheelbarrow with a square wheel.


  2. > Grandma says that in her day, “We’d never go on a date where we didn’t know each other.” […]
    > Girl: “but you have less options.”

    Damn, really “saying the quiet part out loud” there. This chick should reboot her podcast and spend three years just introspecting on that one sentence.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. @TheRedQuest: Along with your list of statements that women aren’t honest with themselves about, I wonder about this one:

    What do these women mean by “dating”?

    As a player, my approach to “dating” is pretty clear: screen for DTF girls, make sure that she isn’t crazy, see if we’ll be compatible in bed, and (optionally) connect with her as a cool girl to spend non-sexual time with.

    If chicks like podcast girl were honest, what would they even mean by “dating”?


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