Dating unusual girls who have aspergers, or are non-reactive

Nash has a story about dating a peculiar girl, one who is “cold, confident, powerful little ‘push’ in how she receives you” and who seems to have a “bitchy hot girl routine.” Her responses to him are curt and highly factual, to the point Nash feels like “something is missing.” She’s a mystery (read the whole thing to understand more), and one possibility I posit in the comments: aspergers. She has little apparent interest in other people or a normal social life.

Psych diagnoses are overused today, granted, and lots of guys want to label unhappy chicks as “borderline personality disorder,” while 3/4 of chicks today claim to have “social anxiety disorder,” when the only actual disorder they might have is “7 hours a day staring at my smartphone disorder,” but in this chick, aspergers might fit, and that could also explain the lack of sexual debut, cause she’s too weird and antisocial to get there. I’ve obviously not met the chick Nash is describing, and sometimes it’s hard to say who’s just weird, and who is maybe diagnosably weird, but her behavior as described at least seems consistent with aspergers or similar.

I’ve run into some chicks who are a bit on the spectrum: if a girl likes to f**k for the usual reasons (sensation, orgasm, pleasure) but is also much more logical/systematic than a normal girl, she’s more likely than average to wind up doing non-monogamy, and thus I’m more likely to run into her.

For those girls, sex can be more like, I don’t know, a better, more fun option than going to the gym or watching TV. These kinds of girls are or can be very bizarre to deal with at first, for a guy used to dealing with normal girls, for whom romance, connection, flirtation, and ambiguity are very important to the seduction process.

Girls with aspergers or who seem aspergers-like might be really enjoying the interaction, but I’ll have no idea, and they’re often a bit more like talking to an engineer than a girl or normal guy. They can also be oddly non-reactive, but if they like you enough for sex, you’ll just escalate them right into it, without any real green lights along the way, apart from compliance. Sometimes they like the “explicit consent culture” of parties, because they can’t read social cues, so the “Can I kiss you?” “I’m going to get a condom” thing is appealing to them, because they know what’s happening, what the guy is doing, and where they stand. Normal girls like not being sure where they stand, socially or sexually, but these kinds of girls can dislike it.

Normal girls almost all hate “explicit consent” and want the guy to “just get it,” which is one of many reasons current campus sex hysteria is idiotic, but I digress.

Penelope Trunk, a weirdo woman with aspergers, describes what sex with a woman who has it is like, and her other writing about aspergers is peculiar while also being useful. She says, “Lots of people say, ‘Just do xxx.’ But it’s really really hard for people with Aspergers to ‘Just do’ what other people can do. So we hide.” Her writing is strange, evocative, and compelling, the sort of thing that the Internet surfaces but that would never make it in conventional media. She’s built for the Internet.

Chicks with aspergers are out there, and some of them are even hot. Aella is hot and says she has it, I believe, somewhere. Aella is another very interesting writer (and one who fits many of Trunk’s generalizations about chicks with aspergers), one who’s said she feels like she was randomly born into a “hot girl body” and didn’t really know what to do with that, although she had a very peculiar upbringing, very Christian (in a negative way), so there’s some abnormal childhood stuff there too.

Nash’s girl claims she “feels nothing.” Maybe she had a weird or bad upbringing, with emotionally stunted parents, and she learned to turn emotions off as a defense mechanism. That’d also be consistent with her behaviors. The book The Drama of the Gifted Child is a good start on that. Having an avoidant attachment style is also consistent with the above. Nash eventually lays this girl, but her post-sex messages are still “very strange, nothing romantic, cool, odd intellectual/factual responses.” That’s also consistent with aspergers or aspergers-like personality. I’d expect a normal chick with strong defenses and a propensity to repel men to at least crack after sex, become more warm… I’ve run into chicks who are very cold or defensive, until a switch flicks, and they become the opposite.

Years back, maybe 2015?, I had a secondary partner with aspergers, or she said she did, and she was a bit warmer or more normal than this chick. I met her through a friend who went to sex parties, and this girl started going with him, and me, and my main partner at the time. She was really fun and lustful in bed, and also highly logical and intellectual, in a way that she said threw most guys. She was hot, though, a short high 7, lean body with good curves, nice long hair, one of those girls who looks promising in clothes and spectacular nude. She liked partner dancing, too, I think for the physical sensation but also because of the highly patterned nature of the activity, with its explicit “would you like to dance?” questions and minimal open-ended chitchat. I think she liked me in part because I have a strong nerdy/intellectual side and was happy to express that side of myself to her, but also to f**k her good, and f**k her with another woman, which she liked. She eventually figured out, though, that she really wanted a stable long-term partner, and that stable long-term partner wasn’t going to be me: not at that time, anyhow, if she’d come along a few years later, maybe, cause she was hot, smart, and had good habits. Like me, she’d read some of the nutrition literature and realized that not eating simple carbs is a key to health, so she’d just stopped, without a lot of the whining and backsliding that most people who make changes do. I talked to her quite a bit about the virtues of just saying to guys what she wants and what she’s looking for. A lot of people, not just chicks, play around in the sex club/non-mono scene for a few months or years, get tired of it, and move on to do something else.

There’s another common pattern in dating where guys interested in casual sex pretend to be more interested in a relationship than they actually are, to get the girl in bed, while girls interested in long-term committed relationships pretend to be more interested in casual sex than they actually are, to hook a guy emotionally and convert him into a long-term committed partner. A lot of chicks complaining online about how guys are all cads, guys are using them for sex and then dumping them, aren’t being as explicitly forward about their interests in long-term monogamy, children, and family, as they should be. That kind of talk will also scare off some guys at the high end of a given woman’s natural dating range, but women who are serious about those things should really say so. This secondary partner more or less followed this advice (maybe to directly, but, again, the aspergers thing), and she found a guy who was like, “Cool, let’s do this.”

We don’t talk so much as we did, or really at all, but I think of her fondly and suspect she does of me as well. As I said above, I’ve run into other chicks like her, doing sex clubs and such. There are normal chicks doing sex clubs and non-monogamy, but there are a disproportionate number of sex workers, girls who seem a bit like they have aspergers, and not just girls but people who are crazy smart, and who reason their way into doing it. I’d not argue re: my own IQ or lack thereof, but I kind of reasoned my way into it, thanks to this chick. Guys who talk to a lot of girls, get to meet a lot of the outliers… Nash’s chick sounds like an outlier, and the secondary partner I’ve been describing was an outlier.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

5 thoughts on “Dating unusual girls who have aspergers, or are non-reactive”

  1. “They can also be oddly non-reactive, but if they like you enough for sex, you’ll just escalate them right into it, without any real green lights along the way, apart from compliance.”

    IME, this is true with a lot of chicks, not just ones with Aspergers. I actually told a client something similar the other day: escalate progressively toward sex and if she is going along with it, seems to like what’s happening, and doesn’t stop you–keep going. The feminists will hate this, but that is consent for women: the man makes shit happen and the woman complies. And trust me, if she doesn’t like what’s happening, she’ll stop it–women aren’t stupid or powerless like the white knights and feminist/SJWs think they are.

    This seems somewhat unrelated to the Aspergers discussion, but since you bring it up: women who want long term relationships moving toward marriage need to stop at some point and evaluate a few points…how are they meeting men? What is she bringing to the table, both in terms of looks and caring and being a good partner? Like, I bitch a lot on my blog about women over 30, but there’s selection bias there: if she’s HOT and over 30 and not in a relationship or married–and never has been–something’s off.

    Same is true in reverse. I have a buddy who is a serial monogamist and ALMOST marries every girl he’s with until he doesn’t. He’s now 46 and still wants kids. I told him, after the last breakup: “you can still make that shit happen, but you need to date younger women and you need to pull the rip cord and just fucking go instead of waiting for the perfect girl. She doesn’t exist.”

    The simple fact is if you’re an adult over 30 there are really only two reasons you’re single (especially if you’re a woman–men too, but men often have a sourcing/matching problem): 1. You’re too picky and fussy about who you’re willing to date compared with what you’re bringing SMV and otherwise, or 2. You want to be single.

    I fall into the camp of the latter, although before I learned Game it was the former. But now, when I want to get out of the Game and have an LTR, it won’t take long for that to happen.

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    1. Just wrote this in another comment,

      >>I feel like I usually get some positive signals, from normal girls, even just sustained eye contact, and then she looks away, or I touch her leg, and she for a millisecond pushes back. Or she smiles, laughs at my jokes, whatever. The really, studiously neutral ones are rarer. Not unknown, but rarer. Chicks are books that I’m trying to read, to figure out where I am… sometimes, the answer is that there’s fog all around me.

      Re:….

      >>women who want long term relationships moving toward marriage need to stop at some point and evaluate a few points…how are they meeting men

      I don’t think this is hard for _normal_ women. It’s hard for women in the media and academia, or who live in NYC, LA, and DC. In other words, it’s hard for the self-consciously “elite” women, who want an “elite” man (of whom there are relatively few, and they have a lot of options). But these are the women writing all those essays about how hard it is to find a man and have a family. Women who have been taught that “winning” means “having the best,” that sort of thing. Women who try to live out their supposedly feminist principles, then find that they aren’t attracted to male feminists (guys who are technically male). In NYC or LA, housing is also super expensive, so a normal, middle-class life with a couple of kids is like $250,000 per year in income… or like the top couple percent of earners.

      For women who are normal, they meet a guy, he’s good enough, he’s functional enough, she demands they get married, they do, they have some kids, live their lives. I think the supposed marriage crisis is a thing in a few expensive urban markets, not a widespread thing, https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/05/20/date-onomics-players-should-go-where-the-gender-ratio-is-good/.

      There is a kind of narcissistic sickness in many of the people who want “the best” and think they “deserve” the best (“deserve” is one of my least favorite words in contexts like this… there is only effort and struggle IMO). These essays never discuss the woman’s narcissism and contribution to her singleness. Funny, that.

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  2. RedQuest: Your comments really threw me when you first introduced the topic. It makes me think back to a lot of other girls to see there might have been others that fit the pattern…

    > but if they like you enough for sex, you’ll just escalate them right into it, without any real green lights along the way, apart from compliance

    This ^ is an interesting part of this conversation for a guy like me. If a more “typical couple” takes time to get to know each other, lots of signaling, easing into a dating situation, maybe a few drinks to get into bed – she has usually shown she is a full participant (if she isn’t leading it, or baiting him hard to get him to make moves). But for guys that meet and move to sex pretty quickly…

    That “odd look in her eyes” is pretty normal. It’s all happening fast. She has lots of choices (I am checking in constantly, I make a point of it, comically showing a girl how my front door works, etc, so she has full agency), but seeing a girl in a kind of “frozen” stage when you’re moving fast is “normal.” I don’t push past it, but I see it, as part of the first times together, quite often. I remind girls to breath (big part of my game now). Once a girl is turned on, we’d expect to see some heat (and I usually do). Occasional, there is post-sex intimacy and she opens up then (Miss Words and I have been seeing each other for 7 months, and she wouldn’t kiss me until after I fucked her that first night). They are all so different.

    So when this girl, Feral Cat, had “low signals” – it wasn’t that weird. I had been a sexual threat from the start, she knew who I was. She displays very sexually (A+ body, skin tight clothes, long finger nails, lots of cleavage, deadly walk). She gets hit on a lot (when she is out, which is rare). She is not even my usual type, but we had very good chemistry off the pickup… so I was happy to “dance” with her.

    You didn’t mention that she claimed to be a virgin. And I am convinced she was, having cured her of that (I am still curing her, takes a few times). And she was extremely physical with me from the start, “purrs” when you touch her, moans easily, pushing into me… sexually, she is very expressive. It’s emotionally in conversation where she is “alien” in some ways.

    So how is it that this “sexy” girl remained a Virgin (at 24) until recently?

    I asked her last week, “Has it ever occurred to you that you might have Asperger’s?” And she said “yes,” right away, but then, she went on talk about being “highly sensitive.” Her body, but her hearing, etc. She is easily over stimulated by noise, etc. It’s part of why she is essentially a recluse. She is very into a calm environment.

    We have had 5 dates (sex on 4th and 5th). The 6th date will be this week. She is still “thawing” out, but is a very strange girl, top to bottom, across categories (EX: She claims to have no morality, and in my head, it reminded me of “lawful neutral” from Dungeons and Dragons when I was kid – she is very orderly, but no sentimentality about “morality,” etc).

    So, I don’t know. She slept over last week, and I expected that the body-to-body bonding (bio-chemicals) would bring her closer and open her up after a night side by side in bed… it did not. She wasn’t cuddly at all. She was her exact self that morning. And…

    She looked “perfect” as she woke up. Not the slightest mark of having been in bed all night. Not sleepy. Eyes were clear and radiant. Her hair was straight/perfect. She is a shockingly attractive girl. But very strange. I fed her some snacks (her request), and sent her home in a cab at 6 AM (she was ready to go home).

    She is part of what I love about Game… that the girls really are so different. RedQuest: You have done a fantastic job of detail the girls in your life… I know you know what I mean. There is a lot to see. I like her. She is so weird, but I like her. The sex is raw, but already very good. I taught her how to kiss (literally), and she is much better.

    The whole thing… so interesting.

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    1. >>This ^ is an interesting part of this conversation for a guy like me. If a more “typical couple” takes time to get to know each other, lots of signaling, easing into a dating situation, maybe a few drinks to get into bed – she has usually shown she is a full participant (if she isn’t leading it, or baiting him hard to get him to make moves). But for guys that meet and move to sex pretty quickly…

      I feel like I usually get some positive signals, from normal girls, even just sustained eye contact, and then she looks away, or I touch her leg, and she for a millisecond pushes back. Or she smiles, laughs at my jokes, whatever. The really, studiously neutral ones are rarer. Not unknown, but rarer. Chicks are books that I’m trying to read, to figure out where I am… sometimes, the answer is that there’s fog all around me.

      >>she went on talk about being “highly sensitive.” Her body, but her hearing, etc. She is easily over stimulated by noise, etc. It’s part of why she is essentially a recluse. She is very into a calm environment.

      https://www.verywellhealth.com/autism-and-sensory-overload-259892: “People with autism are often highly sensitive to their environments. This, of course, can mean different things to different people on the spectrum.”

      “But, in general, people with autism have unusually delicate sensory systems, meaning that their senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste) can all be easily overloaded.”

      You take skittish girls on first dates to tea and such, if I remember correctly, and that would be a good environment for her, presumably.

      I mean, _everything_ that you’ve said pretty well lines up with it. If she can become more normal (and wants to be), she will probably have to “think” her way into it. Normal people just feel their way in the world, she’ll have to think it, which is slower, but may have interesting other effects. Maybe she reads a lot (novels?) to try to undestand more normal thought processes.

      >>You have done a fantastic job of detail the girls in your life… I know you know what I mean.

      Thanks… I kinda wish I’d started writing earlier… the best details fade pretty quickly, but once I started writing, I spent more time writing than is smart, and worse, thinking about what to write… so not doing it was probably the right move… on Wednesday, I have a post coming about how I don’t think most guys are all that interested in getting laid, and how from the publication of THE GAME to now, there hasn’t exactly been a widespread flourishing of guys learning and mastering the game…

      I’m suspicious of a lot of generalizations abouts chicks, even as I make some of them, cause the diversity (in chicks) is out there.

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      1. > I feel like I usually get some positive signals, from normal girls, even just sustained eye contact, and then she looks away, or I touch her leg, and she for a millisecond pushes back

        I do too. But (perhaps because I date a bunch of “Autistic Librarians”) when I touch her leg, she pulls away in a “sexual tension”-kind of way. It’s a kind of “yes,” but she’s not meeting me 1/2 way. When a girl finally “surrenders,” it is usually a remarkable change. I have seen it many, many times.

        I also have girls that are all-in early (Miss Happy) was a “yes” from the stop… so was the recent Miss Aloha (both girls were sex on the first date), but the Feral Cat isn’t one of those stories.

        > “People with autism are often highly sensitive to their environments. This, of course, can mean different things to different people on the spectrum.”

        I am thinking of Rain Man.

        > You take skittish girls on first dates to tea and such, if I remember correctly, and that would be a good environment for her, presumably.

        I date almost exclusively INTROVERTS. I like that look (which is something you can see in a girl, even on the approach… her sense of style, her walk, her posture). And they very often don’t drink alcohol at all. So… “tea” and I take almost every girl I date to dinner. One on one. Good for intimacy.

        > Maybe she reads a lot (novels?) to try to undestand more normal thought processes.

        Hmmm. I’ll ask her. She is pretty confident (or self absorbed). She doesn’t seem to feel like she is trying to understand.

        > I don’t think most guys are all that interested in getting laid, and how from the publication of THE GAME to now, there hasn’t exactly been a widespread flourishing of guys learning and mastering the game…

        Yeah. I think the Game was a huge “flash” of interest. As the major scenes have died out (Daygame.com/RSD/LoveSystems???), and then meetooooo and then Covid… I bet we’re in a near-team lull.

        (I also think a whole generation of people in the process of socialization will be “retarded” by Covid. 2 years off from social development is huge.. especially for kids/teens/college kids. The complete absence of normal social circumstances, no facial reading, no boding… it is a “once in history” phenomenon and will deform a lot of people… put them on a course much different than before.)

        Overall Game is just too hard. So there are always a crop of beginners… and very few make it “across the river.” It is like that by design.

        “To he who has, more will be given. To he who has not, everything will be taken away.”

        > I’m suspicious of a lot of generalizations abouts chicks, even as I make some of them, cause the diversity (in chicks) is out there.

        My favorite metaphor is the “doctor.” Doctors can spot/treat patterns in behavior. And the “easy”/common issues are easy to treat, and that is useful, but the utility gets “capped” (there is a ceiling) until you can unlock a lot of random “conditions” and do so so well that you can work “on the fly” as a girl comes into your life. It is about building a huge “casebook” of personal experience… and then… you’re an exceptional doctor… you get exceptional results… and you’re unlocking new lessons all the time. Spiral up.

        That is a rare guy that makes it that far. You are certainly there. That is the path I am on.

        Viva RedQuest.

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