Dating unusual girls who have aspergers, or are non-reactive

Nash has a story about dating a peculiar girl, one who is “cold, confident, powerful little ‘push’ in how she receives you” and who seems to have a “bitchy hot girl routine.” Her responses to him are curt and highly factual, to the point Nash feels like “something is missing.” She’s a mystery (read the whole thing to understand more), and one possibility I posit in the comments: aspergers. She has little apparent interest in other people or a normal social life.

Psych diagnoses are overused today, granted, and lots of guys want to label unhappy chicks as “borderline personality disorder,” while 3/4 of chicks today claim to have “social anxiety disorder,” when the only actual disorder they might have is “7 hours a day staring at my smartphone disorder,” but in this chick, aspergers might fit, and that could also explain the lack of sexual debut, cause she’s too weird and antisocial to get there. I’ve obviously not met the chick Nash is describing, and sometimes it’s hard to say who’s just weird, and who is maybe diagnosably weird, but her behavior as described at least seems consistent with aspergers or similar.

I’ve run into some chicks who are a bit on the spectrum: if a girl likes to f**k for the usual reasons (sensation, orgasm, pleasure) but is also much more logical/systematic than a normal girl, she’s more likely than average to wind up doing non-monogamy, and thus I’m more likely to run into her.

For those girls, sex can be more like, I don’t know, a better, more fun option than going to the gym or watching TV. These kinds of girls are or can be very bizarre to deal with at first, for a guy used to dealing with normal girls, for whom romance, connection, flirtation, and ambiguity are very important to the seduction process.

Girls with aspergers or who seem aspergers-like might be really enjoying the interaction, but I’ll have no idea, and they’re often a bit more like talking to an engineer than a girl or normal guy. They can also be oddly non-reactive, but if they like you enough for sex, you’ll just escalate them right into it, without any real green lights along the way, apart from compliance. Sometimes they like the “explicit consent culture” of parties, because they can’t read social cues, so the “Can I kiss you?” “I’m going to get a condom” thing is appealing to them, because they know what’s happening, what the guy is doing, and where they stand. Normal girls like not being sure where they stand, socially or sexually, but these kinds of girls can dislike it.

Normal girls almost all hate “explicit consent” and want the guy to “just get it,” which is one of many reasons current campus sex hysteria is idiotic, but I digress.

Penelope Trunk, a weirdo woman with aspergers, describes what sex with a woman who has it is like, and her other writing about aspergers is peculiar while also being useful. She says, “Lots of people say, ‘Just do xxx.’ But it’s really really hard for people with Aspergers to ‘Just do’ what other people can do. So we hide.” Her writing is strange, evocative, and compelling, the sort of thing that the Internet surfaces but that would never make it in conventional media. She’s built for the Internet.

Chicks with aspergers are out there, and some of them are even hot. Aella is hot and says she has it, I believe, somewhere. Aella is another very interesting writer (and one who fits many of Trunk’s generalizations about chicks with aspergers), one who’s said she feels like she was randomly born into a “hot girl body” and didn’t really know what to do with that, although she had a very peculiar upbringing, very Christian (in a negative way), so there’s some abnormal childhood stuff there too.

Nash’s girl claims she “feels nothing.” Maybe she had a weird or bad upbringing, with emotionally stunted parents, and she learned to turn emotions off as a defense mechanism. That’d also be consistent with her behaviors. The book The Drama of the Gifted Child is a good start on that. Having an avoidant attachment style is also consistent with the above. Nash eventually lays this girl, but her post-sex messages are still “very strange, nothing romantic, cool, odd intellectual/factual responses.” That’s also consistent with aspergers or aspergers-like personality. I’d expect a normal chick with strong defenses and a propensity to repel men to at least crack after sex, become more warm… I’ve run into chicks who are very cold or defensive, until a switch flicks, and they become the opposite.

Years back, maybe 2015?, I had a secondary partner with aspergers, or she said she did, and she was a bit warmer or more normal than this chick. I met her through a friend who went to sex parties, and this girl started going with him, and me, and my main partner at the time. She was really fun and lustful in bed, and also highly logical and intellectual, in a way that she said threw most guys. She was hot, though, a short high 7, lean body with good curves, nice long hair, one of those girls who looks promising in clothes and spectacular nude. She liked partner dancing, too, I think for the physical sensation but also because of the highly patterned nature of the activity, with its explicit “would you like to dance?” questions and minimal open-ended chitchat. I think she liked me in part because I have a strong nerdy/intellectual side and was happy to express that side of myself to her, but also to f**k her good, and f**k her with another woman, which she liked. She eventually figured out, though, that she really wanted a stable long-term partner, and that stable long-term partner wasn’t going to be me: not at that time, anyhow, if she’d come along a few years later, maybe, cause she was hot, smart, and had good habits. Like me, she’d read some of the nutrition literature and realized that not eating simple carbs is a key to health, so she’d just stopped, without a lot of the whining and backsliding that most people who make changes do. I talked to her quite a bit about the virtues of just saying to guys what she wants and what she’s looking for. A lot of people, not just chicks, play around in the sex club/non-mono scene for a few months or years, get tired of it, and move on to do something else.

There’s another common pattern in dating where guys interested in casual sex pretend to be more interested in a relationship than they actually are, to get the girl in bed, while girls interested in long-term committed relationships pretend to be more interested in casual sex than they actually are, to hook a guy emotionally and convert him into a long-term committed partner. A lot of chicks complaining online about how guys are all cads, guys are using them for sex and then dumping them, aren’t being as explicitly forward about their interests in long-term monogamy, children, and family, as they should be. That kind of talk will also scare off some guys at the high end of a given woman’s natural dating range, but women who are serious about those things should really say so. This secondary partner more or less followed this advice (maybe to directly, but, again, the aspergers thing), and she found a guy who was like, “Cool, let’s do this.”

We don’t talk so much as we did, or really at all, but I think of her fondly and suspect she does of me as well. As I said above, I’ve run into other chicks like her, doing sex clubs and such. There are normal chicks doing sex clubs and non-monogamy, but there are a disproportionate number of sex workers, girls who seem a bit like they have aspergers, and not just girls but people who are crazy smart, and who reason their way into doing it. I’d not argue re: my own IQ or lack thereof, but I kind of reasoned my way into it, thanks to this chick. Guys who talk to a lot of girls, get to meet a lot of the outliers… Nash’s chick sounds like an outlier, and the secondary partner I’ve been describing was an outlier.