What do we spend our excess money on? Sex.


The Western world is richer than it’s ever been, so what do we spend all that excess on? Sex, or near-sex and sexually-related equivalents: fancy clothes, expensive cars, pretty much anything that can be counted as a “status” symbol. Until a country or society reaches some baseline threshold of wealth, its residents and especially its women are too tethered to survival to focus on fucking around a lot: which is one reason why game works differently in different countries.

(Obviously, there has always been some level of fucking around, but nothing like what’s been happening in the contemporary developed world in the last couple of decades.)

I bring this up because I write primarily about experiences in the United States. Wealthier countries are more likely to have a lot of excess money that can go into personal development and sex. In poorer countries, the margin of error is too small to develop a diverse, sex-positive culture. I was chatting on Twitter with a guy from Turkey. He says Turkey is bad for game because its culture is more sexually conservative, even in Istanbul. I have no idea whether he’s right or not, but I do know that game has to be more effective, all else being equal, in richer societies. The United States is so wealthy that lots of women are happy bearing children out of wedlock or committed relationships.

Turkey also has the disadvantage of being predominantly Muslim. I don’t like most religions, for the usual reasons, but Islam as it’s currently practiced is particularly bad.

Game works best in large, Western cities. In the United States, I’d guess the best cities for game are New York, LA, and Chicago, probably in that order. If a guy can’t move to a major city, he might simply not be able to do game. I don’t have a firm number, but I guess the population minimum for effective game is probably around 500,000. Lower than that, and the “small town” reputation protection system comes into play, and the few hot chicks around will be wary of risking their reputations on sexual fun and hedonism. Messing around still happens, just more covertly and over longer periods of time. Plus, in smaller towns or cities, a guy will literally run out of chicks to game. The exception may be transient tourist areas, like Tahoe in California, or other ski resorts, or beach towns.

Another wrote to me and said that he’s in a smaller town but interested in game. I think he has to move. Game is hard even in big, anonymous cities. In small towns, it must be much, much worse.

In modern, wealthy atmospheres, expression matters more than survival. Including romantic expression. So women don’t want to commit because they don’t need a man’s protection and they don’t even need much in the way of his resources. To the extent she does, the state will remove the man’s resources and give them to her anyway.

In this milieu marriage doesn’t make sense. Sexual expression does. Guys who specialize in being providers have less fun than guys who specialize in being party animals.

If something awful happens, like nuclear war with North Korea, this may change, fast. People will form deeper, tighter communities just to survive. Both men and women, but especially women, will worry less about about how much good sex they can have and more about whether they’re going to eat. When you’re worried about making sure you and your children don’t starve, it’s not very tempting to have an affair or bang the hunky guy down the street.

When you’re rich, you want self-expression. Like you can achieve through sex and going to the gym. If I were worried about keeping the roof over my head, I wouldn’t be writing a player blog and going on and on about not eating sugar. I wouldn’t be using a pretty new MacBook. I might not have access to reliable condoms. Chicks might not have access to reliable birth control. In a resource-starved environment, the costs to a chick of engaging with a strange man might be enormous. In a resource-rich environment, they’re very low. Stranger sex is costly there.

Many guys with a “nice guy” frame and worldview think that they’re still living in 1900. They’re not. Women respond to conditions and so do men. In a condition of wealth, expecting women to behave as they do in a condition of scarcity is madness. That’s also why a guy living in a conservative, developing country may not find American game writers very useful. We’re writing about a particular set of social and economic conditions.

Men today have none of the tools they used to have to enforce female monogamy. Without those tools, most people are weak. So we might as well embrace pleasure and expect de facto polygamy (whatever we call it). Our social and cultural systems are set up to express sexual expression. The bigger the city, the more true that is. There’s a reason why “Porn Valley” (aka the San Fernando Valley) developed in the Southern California metroplex. Los Angeles County alone has ten million people in it, and the movie industry is centered there. Ten million anonymous souls, hunting for lust and sun. Developing the porn industry in a far smaller city would have too many reputation repercussions for the performers.

Game is not impossible in smaller cities. A guy reading this and living in a smaller city should still try to do what he can, particularly if the city has a transient population due to tourism, college, etc. But that guy also can’t expect to get the outcomes big city guys get.

Game may not be impossible in Turkey, either. But if the Turkish guy moves to a Western country, he will not get a free pass. Game is hard for most men everywhere. If it weren’t, guys wouldn’t write pickup and seduction blogs. One of game’s harsh lessons is that there is no easy way. I have a lot of advantages most guys don’t, and it’s hard for me.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

12 thoughts on “What do we spend our excess money on? Sex.”

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