Two sentences I rarely read among guys doing “game.”
- “I went to a party last weekend and…”
- “I hosted a party last weekend and…”
Yet I hear this among normal, single people all the time. Most of the most attractive girls I know or have known, meet their lovers and boyfriends at parties and through friends. Some meet online, yeah… but via their existing social circles is probably the most common way. Lots of girls are super different in person than they are in their online personas. Many people (not just girls) are also starved for real-world social interactions, but they can’t make anything happen, so they default to playing around on their phones.
In the “game” and “pickup” communities, the most common modalities for meeting appear to be online dating and cold approach pickup. Online dating’s problems have been adequately covered by me, by Red Pill Dad (browse around his blog and you’ll find many of his rants about it, despite some successes), and others, so I’m not going to belabor them. Cold approach has its place but doing bulk cold approach can seem like life on hard mode… I have done some of it and favor it, but looks play an even more important role in cold approach than they do in the rest of life, and cold approach seems to work best if you also have a lot of other things going on in your life that you can talk about… like the parties you’ve been to recently. Or better yet parties you’ve hosted. If you’ve got a fair amount going on in your life, it’s easy to mention event x on date y. A lot of girls will like you a lot better if they see your social world too. They’ll really like you if they see you know and are comfortable with other chicks (an element of pre-selection). Right now, a lot of the social and economic world is shut down, for good reasons… and that makes it harder to connect with chicks, cause chicks can’t get into the kind of positions where they’re comfortable getting f**ked.
This is not a rant against online or cold approach because both have their place. But they are both hard, too, and if I think about the guys I know in real life who’ve gotten laid the most, they’re the guys who are going to parties/events a lot of the time, and who have stories that reflect their lives. They mostly don’t have “one thing” that gets them with chicks… they have a bunch of things (like how almost every essay here links to some others… it’s never about one thing… it’s about putting things together and methodically improving).
Most guys writing online seem to be extremely introverted, often antisocial, nerds. Nothing wrong with that, but the starting place most guys appear to come from affects their experiences, recommendations, and stories. People want to be connected into larger groups, and a lot of guys lack the ability to make that happen.
The other day I was talking to Breeze about conversations with girls and conversations on dates (or at parties)… and I wound up replying to one of Runner’s posts (can’t remember which one), about conversations on dates. I don’t have hard and fast rules, but I try to think about principles in terms of talking to chicks in general and on dates… I tend to focus on f**king, relationships, peak experiences, dreams, and life purpose, when/where possible. Most girls have nothing interesting to say about topics like books, economics, or ideas, so keep the topics close to things close to their hearts, like f**king, gossip, and of course their peak experiences, dreams, and life purpose are usually based around guys and relationships. Very few girls are working to cure cancer or MS, or move us off fossil fuels, or other really worthwhile endeavors. Most girls just want the heart and d**k of a good man. Or a couple good men…
I try to stay far away from politics and even things like what she’s been watching on TV. Yes I know she watches inane reality TV like most chicks but she has zero insight into why she’s watching or what makes reality TV tick. I know she spends too much time scrolling Instagram, so I have some bits about why social media is crap, and girls agree, then go back to doing it… unless they have good examples to follow.
The weakness of my approach is that I probably scorch some chicks with too much dirty talk or too many sex stories too early. Calibration is vital here but still, I want to get them out of mundane friendship topics as soon as possible. If they’d discuss it with their prim aunt or most boring friend, I (mostly) try to avoid it. I’ll also weave in a lot of fitness teases when/where possible, and talk a bit about whatever I’ve been up to in the gym.
In my experience most chicks think they have a surfeit of boring nice guys, and too few interesting challenging guys who f**k a lot (or go to parties, or host them), so I try to seem like the latter… even though in reality I’d be perfectly happy having a long chat about books, what’s going on with interest rates, any number of things that 98% of chicks don’t care about. And chicks will sometimes be happy to tell me about the TV shows they watch or how they once went to the beach, or other boring chick stuff like shopping and fashion…
I try to avoid things that are generic and not personal. TV shows, politics… if she wants to talk TV maybe I’ll ask which character she most resembles and why, and if I know the show I might accuse her of being the sex-obsessed one. I try not to do too much job/school talk, again because most girls’ lives are boring and most girls find the work I do boring. Most girls are boring and bored, and I see part of my job as being to knock them out of their boring ruts, which most girls can’t do for themselves. A lot of girls do have something interesting to say and something interesting about them, if I can just unlock that thing and let it out. So I overshare a bit in order to get the girl to overshare. I show that I’m not judgmental and sometimes say so. Magnum has talked about “future projection,” I think here, and that can also be useful. Trips, psychedelics, adventure, parties. I notice how few guys writing about the game write about hosting or attending parties… girls are desperate for fun social interaction and often can’t make it happen on their own. IMO hosting/attending parties is just not discussed much and yet that’s how a lot of guys get laid, I think.
Think about whatever things you do that are accessible to girls, and talk about those. Gym, f**king, relationships… statements about who you think a girl is… those things are chick crack, most of the time. Most girls don’t have much going on in their heads, and, even if they do, they often don’t want to explore/express that side of themselves at first.
Consensual non-monogamy is fascinating to lots of people, even people who don’t want to do it themselves.
The guys writing online are doing good work… but it’s useful to ask what they’re NOT talking about. Like meeting a girl in an ambiguous party situation, flirting with her, neither of you entirely knowing if the other one is properly interested, etc. The things chicks love to talk about with their friends, in other words. Being able to pick places to go to regularly, where you can take chicks, or groups, or merge groups, etc. Cold approach is great… but it can be game on “hard mode,” and it can also complement other aspects of game.
Not all parties are good and it’s always useful to be ready to bail. If you’ve been at a party for an hour and it’s boring, leave. Irish exit. People find others on their level. If you find another guy who does good parties, and he knows you bring chicks and he brings chicks… that’s how you find your level… if your friends are five low-energy people standing around with beers… that’s who you’ll attract… it’s not “easy” at first, but nothing is. Guys who can systematize daygame, can systematize other things, too.