Americans are lying about their sexual desire: they want more variety and violence than you’ve been led to believe

Proof that Americans are lying about their sexual desires” says that anonymized data shows, “porn featuring violence against women is more popular among women than men.” Yeah, I could tell you that too. Women love rough, violent sex… from the right guy. From the wrong guy they hate and fear it. Who you are determines what she likes. Kind of like what I write in “The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex.”

Most guys don’t get this.

Unless you have read My Secret Garden, like you should have, right? Most guys don’t have the SMV, frame, or experience necessary to get it… if you’re a high SMV guy (to her), she wants to be choked, degraded, and manhandled. If you’re not (to her), she’ll accuse you of rape and write #metoo on her anonymous Twitter, naming you. This is not totally universal but female desire is much stronger and wants much more roughness than most guys know or understand. The roughness has to be done intelligently, like I write in the choking post, and she typically needs a lot of leadup to it and an “out” if she needs it, but if she wants it, she really wants it.

The frame thing is important and so is the SMV. I have had sky-high SMV to some chicks and 0 SMV to others. If she sees you as low SMV there’s probably nothing you can do to change it except move on. She’s not going to be into you. If she sees you as high SMV, you’re more likely to see very positive responses to rough sex (and that’s reported even by a very bluepill, feminized site like Vox.com).

The rough sex thing is a little like I say here, about gifts, and how women disdain gifts given to them by low-value supplicating guys. They LOVE earned gifts from high-value guys who give those gifs as a sign of affection. A sign that, while the guy could be fucking loads of other girls, he’s giving her a stuffed animal or diamond necklace.

Do chicks like gifts? Yes and no. Depends on the circumstances. That’s also why so much game advice is contradictory. It depends too much on context to make it universal. It’s also why a lot of beginner guys post bad advice. They’ve felt the elephant’s tail in a dark room and mistake it for the whole elephant. It’s not.

For guys, the problem is that many women will revise their opinions after she (or the guy) moves on. There’s no way around this, because rough, dominant sex binds a woman to the guy doing the rough sex, like going bar does. You as a guy should explore the woman’s boundaries and push them a little (without going way far over). She needs to feel safe even as she’s exploring what she really likes, and if you don’t ensure the safety too you will have a bad experience and so will she.

Porn featuring violence against women is also extremely popular among women. It is far more popular among women than men. I hate saying that because misogynists seem to love this fact. Fantasy life isn’t always politically correct.

The rate at which women watch violent porn is roughly the same in every part of the world. It isn’t correlated with how women are treated.

What feminists say women want and what actual women want often don’t match up. Remember that when you hear advice from women and especially women who identify as feminists.

This is one of the posts that’s half done, and I need to get it done and out there… I have too many sitting around in note form or partially written. In real life I am executing the lifestyle change that I have been talking about, assuming all goes well… no guarantees of course. As someone said, “The game will always be there” (he can identify himself if he wishes). But a particular woman may not be there… if a woman is smart and has her shit together and has a goal like having a family, she will pursue that goal and nix guys who aren’t going to give it to her. This is somewhat contrary to what you read online, where all chicks are available to a guy with sufficient frame, masculinity, etc. And some chicks will stick around against their better, cold-state judgment… some chicks will not, however. What a guy pursues depends on his stage of life and other factors.

Today there is no reason not to develop rough-sex skills, as you can search for “how do I have rough sex” and begin learning what you should do… you’ll find a lot of garbage but if you take notes and begin experimenting, you should get into the learning feedback loop rapidly.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

11 thoughts on “Americans are lying about their sexual desire: they want more variety and violence than you’ve been led to believe”

  1. Can confirm all of the above.

    I find it’s best to mix the rough stuff up. So one moment you’re chocking her and have her tied up while grunting and fucking her like an animal, the next you’re being more affectionate and telling her how good her pussy feels and how you feel close to her. It’s the ups and downs, constant contrast to prevent getting bored, that excite women (and keep things fresh for you too)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. >>I find it’s best to mix the rough stuff up.

      Yeah, variety is good. There are a number of chicks who only like extremely rough or extremely gentle, but most like the variety.

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  2. Great article as usual. I primarily date feminists types, and I find a definite skew toward rough sex. I also find rape fantasies to be pretty universal as well. I think two things are at play here. Foremost, the “top” feminist writers are ones that are popular by crafting a certain image. While they claim to have the pulse of the feminist “collective” they don’t. Second I think body type dictates the type of women attracted to me and their sexual palate. I’m a muscular guy. I doubt many women see a muscular guy and fantasize about gentle sex.

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    1. With feminists especially but also with women in general I think there is a wide gap between how they feel they are “supposed” to feel and how they actually feel, especially in an erotic situation.

      Feminists writing stridently are in a cool state, alone, thinking what they’re “supposed” to think. Feminists going out with a masculine guy and getting aroused by him are thinking what they really think.

      There are also some feminists who genuinely hate men, and their seething hatred affects everything they do, write, say, and think.

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  3. I find it’s best to mix the rough stuff up. So one moment you’re chocking her and have her tied up while grunting and fucking her like an animal, the next you’re being more affectionate and telling her how good her pussy feels and how you feel close to her. It’s the ups and downs, constant contrast to prevent getting bored, that excite women (and keep things fresh for you too)

    Definitely true. I think of it the same as dancing with a girl. You have to immediately size up what provides comfort to her, and what provides excitement – a little bit of danger. For some girls dancing salsa or such in an open ballroom type position is comfort; not too close, respectable looking to her friends. Being snuggled up against a man with his leg between hers is the exciting dirty part. Other girls find comfort in being snuggled up tight against your chest with their eyes closed and their head tucked into your neck – lost in a little bubble. If you spin her our to an open position she gets self-conscious and nervous about everyone who might be looking at her. So you have to read a girl and figure out where is comfort. Then you introduce a bit of danger or excitement, then you bring her back to comfort. What Torero calls fractionating.

    The key skill is reading a girl and noticing where she is at.

    I once took a girl I had just banged out ti get a noontime (ish) ice cream following a lazy morning in bed. A large line was formed in front of the little building. The teenaged girl in the ice cream stand must have been very new to the job, and nervous trying to accommodate the large crowd of tourists. I asked her about the difference between two fancy flavors of chocolate; ‘dark chocolate torte’ or ‘double chocolate death’ or some such, and after a short explanation I chose one. She went off to fill our order and eventually returned visibly distressed. Apparently they were out of whatever I had chosen. I did my best bugs-bunny-as-humphrey-bogart impression and said super slowly “After all that you’re out of (whatever flavor)… I guess I’ll just have to have double death by chocolate.” At the same time my hands reached through the tiny service window and I actually placed my hands on her neck and fake choked her. She was so relieved that I was not upset and instead joking around that she kind of melted. She smiled, positively beamed. She left and came back with two cones each with about half a gallon of ice cream magically balanced atop them.

    My date watched the whole affair in silent awe. Driving away after we ate our ice cream – which was a bit of a task given the huge volume of it – my date commented that she 1) could hardly believe that I did that, and 2) was amazed that I could get away with it.

    It wasn’t really a risky move because I was reading the girl’s face the whole time. I hadn’t really intended to actually touch her; if she had flinched, backed up, froze, or frowned at all I would have aborted and done some other goofy thing. But she was relieved of her distress and enjoying my fake rage so it went over fine.

    With rough sex a guy needs to be even more sensitive to exactly how a woman is reacting. That skill of paying attention and calibrating is far more important than any of the ‘techniques’ you can read about on the internet or in books.

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  4. Off topic: I just found this blog two days ago. I don’t want to point fingers but I was first introduced to TRP by a place that likes to hype things up a bit, get excited to be motivated, or be upset at women. I still was red pilled there, but I find this site to be better. This blog seems to be mostly about understanding, and non-hype advice. I plan on reading everything. Thank you for making this place, your thoughts are great.

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    1. A lot of guys have been hurt by women, or have low value, or have other problems… some are trying to sell things… the reality is that it’s very hard to get above your “image match” https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/01/28/sonny-arvado-and-pancake-mouse-on-the-image-match-and-reciprocity/

      Most guys need to raise their value and practice their game. But everyone is looking for the MAGIC SECRET that doesn’t exist, or they think that their own value mismatch with a woman indicates all women are bad.

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  5. I find that when you are with a girl for the first time, you start with sexual calibration through missionary, doggy, etc and then you build up to rough sex by lightly pulling her hair, soft slaps on the arse and then a light choke hold around the neck. Like building intensity.

    I also like the idea of “rough intent” (sourced through Will Freeman’s book How to Fuck Girls Properly) where you are physically rough with her but without causing any actual damage (eg. Throwing her against a wall but using your hand as a cushion).

    Personally I like missionary as a starter and test for her sexual rhythm. I have found that an alternative to rough sex is rhythmic sex where you both get into a sexual energy channel which is passionate rather than rough. This is particularly acute in the standing doggy position as you can really channel a flow state while penetrating the girl. I’ve had more flow doing this than in a yoga class ;)

    So my go-to is: 1. Test for rhythm 2. Build up to rough sex 3. Switch to rhythmic sex and back to rough as needed

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    1. >>Like building intensity.

      This is what guys who are uncalibrated are missing… I read some guys’s stories about how rough sex went poorly, and in most cases the girl is either not into it or the guy calibrates poorly.

      Many chicks are also uncomfortable saying what they really want, so it’s useful to read her body language and even to ask (a little bit, here or there) what she’s feeling.

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