Right after I wrote about why I don’t post more field reports I actually have something short but actionable to say. Like many of you I have a moderately long list of leads who I’ve either slept with, only to see them go cold, or tried to sleep with, and like many of you I sense that there is likely some gold in that pile if I can just access it.
So last weekend I invited over a FWB who I’ve been seeing semi-regularly for a couple months. I’ve shot relatively high-quality nudes of her and we’ve made sex videos, so she’s familiar with me and my ways. This time, I blindfolded her and bent her over the bed. While we were having sex, I took a Snapchat of her nude back and the back of her head. No face and nothing super explicit, but anyone looking will know.
Afterward, I sent the snap to eight women, none of whom I’ve slept with but all of whom have shown at least some interest, with the caption saying, “Wish this was you.”
Over the course of the next day, three women blocked or unfriended me. Fine. Two looked and said nothing. Three replied and one of those said, “OMG hahahahahaha” with some emoji. I replied with a shot of my face and said, “Intensity is everything. how long has it been since you last have sex?” (something like this this just appeared in Goldmund’s blog too, although I am not much of a player anymore, if I ever was). She replied, “Not recently…….” Again, this does not take a subtle man to understand. I invited her out to a drink and she came back with me. I don’t remember how I got her number in the first place, although I think she was a friend-of-a-friend or something like that. I tried to get her out and never succeeded.
For whatever reason this time it worked.
My guess is that she was unavailable or uninterested when I first met her and this time I happened to catch her when she was horny, and she also responded to some aspect of the social proof from seeing another woman on my bed.
I don’t think I will have sex with the other two who replied because they both disappeared. One out of eight for almost no effort is still a good outcome and I wasn’t sure this would work. I am going to try it, or variants on it, again. It is obviously very polarizing. Only use it on leads you are willing to burn. I personally like that aspect of it because I like the idea of forcing a stronger “yes” or “never” decision. For modern guys attention and the withdrawal of attention are the only real tools available. This may be another post in the future.
I still advocate minimizing time on Snapchat and related social media sites, but used judiciously they can be effective. A while ago I dated a girl who is considerably younger than me and she showed me how to use Snapchat. By now most women in their 30s have and will use it. To me this is a bad sign for their overall mental health but I view it as another possible tool.
Women seem to view Snapchat as a different “channel” and using it resets the interaction after a period of no contact. Women who I wouldn’t text or who won’t text me may still respond to Snapchat.
I’m also kind of lazy (or “efficient” as I like to call it), so I am forever looking for shortcuts. This one isn’t quite a shortcut but it is a way to move leads up or out swiftly.
For whatever reason I really like making sex videos. In the sex-positive and swinger communities, it is common and convenient to trade explicit sex videos that do not have a person’s face in them, so I think I got the idea from that. They are a form of foreplay and also I think a form of social proof. Over time I expect this kind of social proof to expand dramatically. Already in the course of my life I’ve seen the way reality TV and now smartphones have made many women go from leery of photos and videos to eager models. It seems like making your own porn has gone from a weird fetish to everyday occurrence.
The most worrisome thing about this whole experience is whether it should be “Wish this was you” or “Wish this were you.” The singular or plural question bothers me.