Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life. Most of us don’t manage to limit our egos, and I don’t understand the psychological mechanisms behind that failure mode.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come during initial sex encounters, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychological pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. Usually not during the initial encounter. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A SEX GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and, like I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… girls are different, they differ from each other, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

13 thoughts on “Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips”

  1. It’s not talked about enough but sex is what game is all about in the end, and the more you know the better an experience you can make for both of you. Girls often tell me “no one else handles me like that” because I include a lot of toys, bdsm, and variety of just how I do it.

    Great write up, this is as good a primer on what to do as anyone has put out there.

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    1. I hesitated to write this post because so much of its material is already “out there” (in the cited books, for example). But I did it anyway because a lot of guys in the community don’t talk about sexual specifics, and I sense there is a lot of fronting / braggadocio around the topic. If a woman is having great sexual experiences she’s much more likely to stick around. I wonder how many players are “players” because they can do the initial seduction but they can’t do the retention, and sex is part of retention.

      Low-cut top girl and I are ill-suited to each other in a bunch of ways, but I think she’s sticking around for the sex… and I am too, because the total work level is pretty low. She is more combative, verbally, than I would like, as she is either testing my frame or is just one of those annoyingly combative chicks. I have been reading David Buss’s book The Evolution of Desire and encouraging her to read it… she denounces it… because I think she doesn’t like or trust its implications. Like a lot of chicks, she wants to believe the fantasy.

      I worry that I am too “real world” for long-term relationships now. That some of the lie is necessary to make relationships and even civilization work.

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      1. The last sentence struck a nerve for me. I believe it was Rollo Tommassi who said that once you swallow the red pill there is no going back. I used to feel a sense of obligation to girls I dated. Providing them small doses of reality in acceptable packages, be it books, YouTube videos etc. I do so less and less now.

        2 minutes reading ‘you’re slaying!!!!!!!’ comments on a fat chicks’s IG page is enough to confirm that girls have an unprecedented ability to self deceive, actively encouraged and validated by other girls, and gay men.

        I’ve increasingly come to believe that trying to administer reality in any shape or form to the girls I date is largely a waste of time. She won’t thank me and if I keep trying will probably start to resent me. However, girls are not dumb. They know sooner rather than later that I will not be providing them with the fairytale ending they so desperately want to believe in. If by long term relationship you mean a girl you stay with constantly, even if non monogamously then I agree. Having a real world outlook is not compatible.

        I have girlfriends I consider myself to be in long term relationships with but they are not constant. Expecting constant or consistent from a girl, especially a young one is a fools errand anyway. It’s the Blackdragon model. Accept they will leave, but if you maintain emotional control and outcome indifference, know that more than likely they will return. MUCH easier to do as an older man, emotional maturity and a lower sex drive help here.

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      2. @MarkJ, I think we all have the ability to self-deceive… for the last 5 – 10 years, I have thought seeing the real world is always good. Now… I am a bit more conflicted on it. Real-world/Redpill beliefs may interfere with other goals. That’s not something you hear about a lot, but I have been thinking about it.

        Reality has to be administered to girls slowly… that is why they have to enter your frame first, in my view. And they have to be willing to read and think, which excludes like 80% of chicks.

        I might not be able/willing to administer the complete fairy-tale ending, but I have some aspects of it I might offer.

        Long-term relationships are just extremely hard. If they weren’t, we’d not see the divorced and never-married rates we see.

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  2. Really good post. I think you’re right that ego and the idea that sex is a zero sum game leads to a lack of discussion about sex techniques. I think having mini-relationships or LTRs tends to improve your technique if you are discussing what both of you like, and that is one benefit of retaining partners that isn’t discussed either. Anyway, another really good post from you. I think you’re sharing some of the freshest perspectives in this space at the moment.

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    1. Thanks, dude. I’m not sure I’m the freshest… there is nothing new under the sun and all that… I started writing because I wanted to emphasize some things that I didn’t see emphasized enough. I also sense there’s a lot of braggadocio in the community… some earned, some not.

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  3. This is something I’ve only caught onto over the last few years. I was traditionally a more plain vanilla guy who saw it in exactly the way you described, ‘just make sure she comes and you’re good’ with all the attendent ego investment that implies.

    As I’ve aged and gradually conquered myself and my ego, I’ve become much more empathetic to younger women. When you set the frame of being an older, experienced man that she can trust, be open with and release herself to without judgement both of you benefit. From a selfish perspective as a man, you become much harder to leave. Girls, particularly young ones will stray, it is in their nature, but I have found they always seem to return sooner or later, often even while being in ‘commited’ relationships with a younger ‘chad’ type who ‘just doesn’t accept/understand me’

    I think both sexes are guilty of projecting thoughts and feelings onto the other. I often remind myself that while girls are probably now more visually motivated than ever before in history, sex for women will always be more mental and emotional. That’s no excuse not to present the best possible version of yourself through being in shape and dressing well. But very few women get off just from muscles, a six pack and a nice pair of dress shoes.

    I have only scratched the surface of the techniques you mention but even the initial payoff is large. I maintain a baseline of scepticism towards anything a young woman says to me in bed but judging from reations alone it does appear that surprisingly few men incorporate any of this stuff into their ‘routine’

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  4. Thanks for the reference. I bought the vibrator on your advice and used it one night to good effect. Curiously, the person I used it on (Miss B) has risen to my sexual water level so-to-speak, spurred on by my leadership in sex. She now has experienced the “RQ” vibrator, butt plugs, been tied up, did a striptease, fucked in front of an open window, came on her face and also a post-nudist beach sex session where she described me as “hot and hard” (from the full exposure I suppose). All this needed to be led.

    One anomaly I have faced is whether good sex in itself is enough to sustain a relationship where you see each other once/week. It’s the harem fantasy where you don’t want your regulars to drop off when you’re into them. Invariably, from what you write, they do drop off, or you drop them.

    I saw four girls in four days in December, three for sex and one for a date. Curiously, sex WAS the yardstick by which I measured whether to see these girls again. My sex experiences with them were very lumpy and the side-by-side comparison helped me understand that some chicks are either incompatible with you or are just bad lovers.

    I know men carry the burden of leadership, but sometimes when you are dancing you just want to look for others who know how to dance. Sounds like sex parties are similar to a dance floor where you can see who is talented from the sidelines.

    Miss B continues to hang around me despite my best signalling that I am no good for her long-term plans. She digs the sex – perhaps because I am “that guy” who put her in that high sexual state she had never been in. She admitted to a lesbian fantasy (predictable) in a Questions Game, preparatory work for taking her to a sex club in the near future.

    Given my ability to lead, it seems to have formed strong desire in her, even to the point that she will happily indulge in new sex activities. I now enjoy the leadership as a form of skill acquisition to apply on future seductions.

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  5. I don’t really know what the term “ego” means. Even though I spent ages as a contemplative meditator and Buddhist examining the concept of self, and more than average time learning pop psychology. When people talk about ego motivation, I still really don’t know what people are trying to say.

    I tend to have – scratch that – I pretty well only have long term relationships. So for the sex I have an eye on developing the girls long term abilities and responses.

    I find that there are two types of male and female orgasms. Both sexes have a skenes gland, otherwise called a prostate. In women it’s called the G spot. Some women have an undetectably small G spot, other women have a bigger one and orgasm easier from internal stimulation.

    Clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasm have different effects; they feel different.

    I find that the vaginal orgasm is more conducive to pair bonding emotions, which I prefer.

    So although I keep a vibrator handy, usually, if the girl requires it to come, I’ll hide it. J had a great day with the vibrator almost a year ago, with uncountable many orgasms. Then later became dependent upon it. We haven’t used it in perhaps six months, and her orgasms now are of a very different quality. More full bodied. Hard to put into words, but guys can find their various erogenous zones and learn to expand their own sexual repertoirs to get a better first person feeling for the different ways that orgasms can feel for women.

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  6. I resonated with those post very strongly.
    When I was chasing notch-counts and used sex as validation, I was in that exact same boat as you – wanting to have sex as fast as possible before she “changes her mind.” Soon as my dick went insider her I had “won” and I got a +1. Sex wasn’t even enjoyable and I had a hard time cumming. I could have an incredibly beautiful woman in front of me and I could only cum from closing my eyes and picturing dirty nasty things. Clearly this is not the right way to enjoy the presence of a beautiful woman. I would sometimes even have sex with a 6 that I was tenuously attracted to just to secure the new notch.

    I stopped chasing the notch-count and stopped counting my lays altogether. I’m likely north of 200 or so (I stopped updating the list once I hit 100) and now I am much more sensual as you put it. I have sex purely for the enjoyment factor and it’s a very beautiful and intimate thing. I also only have sex with girls I find genuinely beautiful. I even watch less porn and masturbate less now purely so I can be even more horny for when I do have sex (where in the past I would do the opposite and masturbate a lot just so I wouldn’t be horny and I could “act less needy”). Sex is no longer about validation and it’s about pleasure and bonding.

    I speak badly of my old PUA-style mindset, but I will have to give credit where it’s due and say that the notch-hunting, validation-seeking phase of the past was a necessary step to get to where I am today and for that I am grateful.

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